The Disciplinarian and the indulgent Parent

They exist in most of the nuclear families. The disciplinarian instills discipline in his/her kids, enforces on them to choose the right path over the wrong one, and punishes them if the disciplinarians authority has been put to test. As the children grow older, and if the disciplinarian doesnt change his tactics to suite that to the age and wisdom of his/her kids, most of the time, the children would tend to form a “distant” bond with that parent. The kids would tend to begrudgingly respect the disciplinarian. However once they grow older and have kids of their own, the kids do come to realise that the disciplinarian was necessary in order to keep them from letting their lives go for ruin.

However the indulgent one in the family pets and cossets his/her children. He or she tends to become the “coolest” parent in the family. That parent wil be the one who comforts the child when they come running from one of their rows with the disciplinarian, this parent tends to cover for their children at times when he/she feels that the children has had enough of being “disciplined” for the day and as the children grow older, they would tend to form a closer bond with the indulgent one.

Its rare for a family to have both parents acting as the disciplinarian parents. If this were so, the some of the joys of being a kid would never be felt. The kids would always be browbeated by either of the parents and the kid would grow up resenting the fact he was born to that set of parents. Its rarer still to see both sets of parents being indulgent ones. If this were so, the society would be rampant with misbehaved and ill-disciplined people who have no regards whatsoever to the rules of civilization.

From my parents I would have to say my father was the disciplinarian. He was the one who taught us our religion, enforced us to practice it, gave us ear-deafning lectures when we misbehaved and turned the “you may cry now” stare after the hour long lectures. Back then sometimes I resented the fact that he always found some fault with how things were done by me. However as I have grown older and wiser, and eventhough I do not have kids of my own I do realise that he did all that he did to turn me into what I am today. And I love him and respect him for that. Though he tended to make shivers up and run down the spine with fear even in the neighbourhood kids, he has become one of the coolest parents as I have grown older. Though conversations still do turn out into argumentative ones, we have developed a relationship that ensures that I can laugh, joke and be a “friend” with my father.

And my mom tended to be the indulgent one who ensured that food was properly made and put on the table, that we were clean and ready to sleep by bedtime. We could always count on her to sympathise with us and dry our tears when we were crying about some stupid childhood stuff. And even though we drove her crazy when dad wasnt around the house by running around the house with the neighbourhood kids, she was the epitome of patience.

I believe that each nuclear family should have one of each in order to ensure that the children they bring out into the society is a benefit to it as a whole rather than a hindrance. The parents should learn to “let go” as the children grow older, become their friends later on so that they would always be sure that their parents could be counted on through the best and worst in their lives.

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12 thoughts on “The Disciplinarian and the indulgent Parent

  1. Hudhu, stop doing that! I said stand still and listen to me! Still!!!

    You are not supposed to go blabbing and rambling like that! How many times have I told you that? Once more and you’ll get your ears boxed!!

    You heard that? Hudhu? I am talking to you!!! Did you hear any of that?

    This is too much….you ARE going to get your ears boxed this time!!!

  2. What happened here just now? whitey, u alright??
    hehe… about the article.. i had quite the same… the disciplinarian is my dad… and mom being the indulgent.. the disciplinary part was tough.. now i’m grown old.. n i never think about it.. u just made me realize it!!
    With the knowledge they had, they did their best to bring us up as good kids… we’ve to appreciate their work by bring up their grandkids better than us…

    You’ll be a good parent..
    What’s your kid gonna write here when he/she starts blogging… ;)
    hehe…. cheers!!

  3. well, its the other way round for me. mom disciplinarian, dad indulgent. yes, it’s important to have a balance in that sense cos if both are the same life at home will be a bit monotonous…

  4. hey hammett and shaari.. being around.. just being too damn busy to even visit the blogosphere.. :-)
    how have u all been doing?
    should write up something one of these days

  5. wow.. i’ve longed for this reponse.. hehe.. I thought you got grounded by “the disciplinarian”..hehe Good that you’re back..
    I have been taking breaks once in a while, but been writing lately.. hope to something from you soon.. :)

  6. hey hammett,
    good to know that :-)
    will write up something pretty soon..
    am too “grown up” to be grounded anymore, though i guess the disiplinarian wishes that we were young enough to do that once in a while! ;)

  7. This whole article is just completle stupid Im about 18 and my parents use to be dicks to me i mean they would spank and yell and just be a total ass. My dad would take his anger out on his life and how he winded up a complete loser so he come home and hit me just to be a dick. I ended up fearing my dad and just ended up being distant and not talking to him. Me and my dad have no relationship and any future of talking to him is shot. My parents never supported me and never gave me shit and now im 18 i wish he would die and burn in hell. Seriously i know for a fact that this is bs because my dad brother hated his mom and dad and guess what he still at 34 hates them. He has 2 kids so that obiously shows this article is bull.

  8. Oh well DailyCashSaver, I am truly sorry to hear about what you have gone through. But that does NOT mean that all parents are evil monsters that keep us miserable till we are able to walk on our own two feet. Some people just have tough luck in life. I wouldn’t trade my parents in the world for anything, nor would I want to change them cos they are perfect to me just the way they are and I love and respect them and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

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