The Disciplinarian and the indulgent Parent

They exist in most of the nuclear families. The disciplinarian instills discipline in his/her kids, enforces on them to choose the right path over the wrong one, and punishes them if the disciplinarians authority has been put to test. As the children grow older, and if the disciplinarian doesnt change his tactics to suite that to the age and wisdom of his/her kids, most of the time, the children would tend to form a “distant” bond with that parent. The kids would tend to begrudgingly respect the disciplinarian. However once they grow older and have kids of their own, the kids do come to realise that the disciplinarian was necessary in order to keep them from letting their lives go for ruin.

However the indulgent one in the family pets and cossets his/her children. He or she tends to become the “coolest” parent in the family. That parent wil be the one who comforts the child when they come running from one of their rows with the disciplinarian, this parent tends to cover for their children at times when he/she feels that the children has had enough of being “disciplined” for the day and as the children grow older, they would tend to form a closer bond with the indulgent one.

Its rare for a family to have both parents acting as the disciplinarian parents. If this were so, the some of the joys of being a kid would never be felt. The kids would always be browbeated by either of the parents and the kid would grow up resenting the fact he was born to that set of parents. Its rarer still to see both sets of parents being indulgent ones. If this were so, the society would be rampant with misbehaved and ill-disciplined people who have no regards whatsoever to the rules of civilization.

From my parents I would have to say my father was the disciplinarian. He was the one who taught us our religion, enforced us to practice it, gave us ear-deafning lectures when we misbehaved and turned the “you may cry now” stare after the hour long lectures. Back then sometimes I resented the fact that he always found some fault with how things were done by me. However as I have grown older and wiser, and eventhough I do not have kids of my own I do realise that he did all that he did to turn me into what I am today. And I love him and respect him for that. Though he tended to make shivers up and run down the spine with fear even in the neighbourhood kids, he has become one of the coolest parents as I have grown older. Though conversations still do turn out into argumentative ones, we have developed a relationship that ensures that I can laugh, joke and be a “friend” with my father.

And my mom tended to be the indulgent one who ensured that food was properly made and put on the table, that we were clean and ready to sleep by bedtime. We could always count on her to sympathise with us and dry our tears when we were crying about some stupid childhood stuff. And even though we drove her crazy when dad wasnt around the house by running around the house with the neighbourhood kids, she was the epitome of patience.

I believe that each nuclear family should have one of each in order to ensure that the children they bring out into the society is a benefit to it as a whole rather than a hindrance. The parents should learn to “let go” as the children grow older, become their friends later on so that they would always be sure that their parents could be counted on through the best and worst in their lives.

Men, the pampered gender of our society

I am not being sexist but, this is something I have always wondered about.. Why do men in our society (at present times) have it so easy? Why are they always pampered and cosseted by every female in the household as if they are imbeciles or something? It is as if the male population might just evaporate into thin air if they have to lift one of their precious fingers to do a “domestic” chore @ home.

I’ve seen this happen to many Maldivian men and I am sure most of those who have been abroad for longer periods of time, mostly for higher studies have experienced or seen the same thing. Since the male *population* have been petted, pampered and every need of theirs seen to by the female *population* of the household, and for the first time in their lives, they have to take care of themselves, and it tends to *domesticate* most of these men even though it might be for a year or three (that is for those who havent been lucky enough to get married to an unassuming gal and dump all those chores into her lap).

Most of the time you tend to see a change for the good in men’s attitude whilst they live in foreign countries. No longer is chopping vegetables to cook a meal considered as a chore that might cause the guy to shed one or two layers of his masculinity *eyes roll*. And hanging up a few clothes to dry after a laundry session doesnt trigger the magical transformation from a guy to girl. Those who are married and whose wives are also on their studies, tend to help out the wife in doing the domestic chores like cooking, cleaning up etc. Its as if they do *realise* that the women folk are also human beings rather than slaves who are there to do their bidding at the drop of a hat.

However disappointingly, upon completion of their studies and once their feet hit the Maldivian soil, the dramatic transformation from the *domestic* male figure to the *pompous* arse comes upon them swiftly. God forbid that they enter the kitchen for a purpose other than to eat or drink a glass of water. It might just get them labelled as “anbi dhashuvefa” or & please, please do not let their mother see them helping out their wife. The wife becomes completely unsuitable for her Almighty son and the *I knew she wouldnt be able to take care of him the way he should be* conversations take place behind the wife’s back within the household “Oh-puhleeze!!”.

Even though there are a handful of Maldivian men who are secure enough in their masculinity not to be bothered about such trivialities, the majority of the male population tends to relax, lay back and let the ladies of their lives do all the domestic work. Cos us Maldivians deem that its the right way of things, that its how they should be. Cos we have been brought up that way and God forbid that any change be brought to the way we live our life!

Blogging Rocks!! :)

Blogging and reading blogs have become a sort of an addictive habit. Its hard to get through a day without getting a dosage of blogging and reading various blogs that I come across on mvblogosphere. It is one of the perks of the day to get a dose of the blogging community’s perspective on different day-to-day stuff. A blog post about a really small issue can turn out to be really interesting based on the comments exchanged back and forth amongst the blog readers and the owner.

Through the short period of time that I’ve been blogging I’ve found that:
1- I like it when theres a bit of humour injected into ones blog posts.
2- I like the different templates and designs that bloggers tend to have. Each tidbit adds to their individuality and gives an insight into their personality.
3- I lurrrve it when blog owners reply to the comments left by readers. It tends to establish a sense of *closeness* amongst bloggers via an anonymous mode ;)
4- I like the fact that I can rant and rave @ the *fates* and get away with it :P
5- Though I understand why blog owners tend to moderate their comments on their blogs, it does take *diminish* the joy of commenting on blogs.

Though there are numerous lil things that add to how fun blogging can be, the best thing about it all is that you *meet* a new blogger *buddy* every fine day! :D