The Disciplinarian and the indulgent Parent

They exist in most of the nuclear families. The disciplinarian instills discipline in his/her kids, enforces on them to choose the right path over the wrong one, and punishes them if the disciplinarians authority has been put to test. As the children grow older, and if the disciplinarian doesnt change his tactics to suite that to the age and wisdom of his/her kids, most of the time, the children would tend to form a “distant” bond with that parent. The kids would tend to begrudgingly respect the disciplinarian. However once they grow older and have kids of their own, the kids do come to realise that the disciplinarian was necessary in order to keep them from letting their lives go for ruin.

However the indulgent one in the family pets and cossets his/her children. He or she tends to become the “coolest” parent in the family. That parent wil be the one who comforts the child when they come running from one of their rows with the disciplinarian, this parent tends to cover for their children at times when he/she feels that the children has had enough of being “disciplined” for the day and as the children grow older, they would tend to form a closer bond with the indulgent one.

Its rare for a family to have both parents acting as the disciplinarian parents. If this were so, the some of the joys of being a kid would never be felt. The kids would always be browbeated by either of the parents and the kid would grow up resenting the fact he was born to that set of parents. Its rarer still to see both sets of parents being indulgent ones. If this were so, the society would be rampant with misbehaved and ill-disciplined people who have no regards whatsoever to the rules of civilization.

From my parents I would have to say my father was the disciplinarian. He was the one who taught us our religion, enforced us to practice it, gave us ear-deafning lectures when we misbehaved and turned the “you may cry now” stare after the hour long lectures. Back then sometimes I resented the fact that he always found some fault with how things were done by me. However as I have grown older and wiser, and eventhough I do not have kids of my own I do realise that he did all that he did to turn me into what I am today. And I love him and respect him for that. Though he tended to make shivers up and run down the spine with fear even in the neighbourhood kids, he has become one of the coolest parents as I have grown older. Though conversations still do turn out into argumentative ones, we have developed a relationship that ensures that I can laugh, joke and be a “friend” with my father.

And my mom tended to be the indulgent one who ensured that food was properly made and put on the table, that we were clean and ready to sleep by bedtime. We could always count on her to sympathise with us and dry our tears when we were crying about some stupid childhood stuff. And even though we drove her crazy when dad wasnt around the house by running around the house with the neighbourhood kids, she was the epitome of patience.

I believe that each nuclear family should have one of each in order to ensure that the children they bring out into the society is a benefit to it as a whole rather than a hindrance. The parents should learn to “let go” as the children grow older, become their friends later on so that they would always be sure that their parents could be counted on through the best and worst in their lives.