Lets Talk About Sex, Shall We?

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Sex, god forbid, even at this day and age where promiscuity is the norm for most societies turns out to be a bit of a ‘taboo’ subject to talk about in this country of ours. For some people, sex is something that needs to be carried out in the darkness of the night, never to be talked about, shrouded in a bit of mystery and perhaps more than anything else procreation the sole reason behind the act. In other words a means to an end.

The reason behind this post is not in any way to advocate for and promote promiscuity and indecency amongst the masses. My intention is to highlight on a subject few women even at this day and age are comfortable enough to talk about and perhaps be bold enough to ‘demand’ their rights as an equal partner who has as much right as the man to achieve satisfaction in a sexual relationship.

If someone were brazen enough to broach the subject of sex and the intricacies involved in it, most would view the person, especially if it were a woman with an aghast look in their eyes all the while thinking, ‘Oh, here is the type of loose woman my mama always warned me about.’ Let me tell you, opening my mouth a few times in the ‘wrong’ sort of company has earned me this look, so I definitely know what I’m talking about. This is not surprising given the fact that Maldives being a hugely patriarchal society even today tends to view women in the light that they are just there to serve one and one purpose alone, i.e. to slave away all day and night to the man they are tied down to for the rest of their life.

A cynical viewpoint of marriage and sex for a woman? Yes, it may be. But then its nothing further from the truth. Lets ask this question to the general populace of women in this country. Women who are bold enough would answer without a moments hesitation, but those who shy away from such conversations in the first place might not want to state the truth out loud, but that doesn’t make it any less of a truth. Ask most women whether they are sexually satisfied with their partners, whether their partner takes the time to really please them or whether it goes more along the path of a ‘wham-bam-thank you maam’? I bet my life on the outcome being that more than 50% of women would state the answer to be in the negative.

So why is this so? In these advanced times of information globalization and outreach, its definitely not the case of the partners involved being totally clueless about the hows and whys of sex, but rather its a case that is more than repeated across the globe, even in those countries where we all agree to be ‘developed’ in every sense.

In Maldives, there is the aspect of religion to add to this, where ‘religious’ scholars tend to scorn a woman who stands up for her rights, who believes in there being equality between the husband and the wife. If you look at the life led by the Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) you’d understand just how wrong and sexist most of these ‘scholars’ are, who do nothing more than marginalize women and make them feel inferior in every single way.

For a man, there is nothing worse than a woman questioning his prowess in the bedroom. Maybe the sexual chemistry, the ignition factor was never there to begin with in the relationship, or maybe, just maybe the man involved is actually selfish enough to keep the woman always begging and wanting for more. Perhaps the thought of empowering the woman in the bedroom makes the man break out in hives, gives him palpitations at the thought that it might embolden her in areas outreaching the bedroom.

Men always have this tendency to quote their number one reason for straying from their matrimonial vows as being the fact that they are no longer sexually satisfied in their marriage. Well, let me clue you in on a worldwide ‘secret’; what you give is what you get, i.e. satisfy the woman in the bedroom and see how things work out for you. You can’t expect insert pin A into slot B within the first 5 minutes to work every single time. There is something called exploration, foreplay which is mighty important when it comes to a woman. And its not just you who is no longer satisfied if one were to keep a scoresheet. Its because society still raises their over judgemental eyebrows at women who dare to come out and seek a divorce from the highly sexist judiciary of ours that most women for whom the relationship no longer works continues to stay around. After all, the neighbors, your ‘friends’ and family would go into titters if they were to find out that you are leaving the man who makes you feel like a cold fish in bed.

Its no secret that men and women were created by God in such a way that the physical and emotional differences between them attract and complement one another when you meet the right fit. I know that if men were to honestly answer the question of how much time they take in a day to really talk to their partners they would be grappling around in their memory to come up with a truthfully accurate answer.

Though sometimes the physical act alone is enough to satisfy most partners, for a woman, her needs border on a different level. She has to be in the mood and the feel of things to really enjoy the moment and give it her all; in other words, emotional wellbeing of both partners is important to really get it going. A woman cannot just turn off her emotions and be there in the moment like a man does. So a little bit of work to get her there every now and then would be more than appreciated?

The first phase of a relationship is exciting on so many levels. The newness of it all, the need to really make a long lasting impression on top of everything else makes even the sex for most couples an adventure of sorts during this period. So why does it all head South as the relationship progresses? For some it might have never been there, but for others I guess its a case of life happens, a case of hoping that things would change one fine day in the horizon.

At the risk of sounding like a harlot, this is a thought that crosses my mind at times. That there would be some women out there who’d never ever taste the beauty that is sex with the right partner; a partner who takes the time and ensures that the woman reaches fulfillment before taking himself to that point. That there would be women out there who’d think that there is something wrong with them that prevents them from ever finding pleasure in an act that should wholly be about pleasure and increasing intimacy between partners. Different things work for different couples, its all up to them to explore, seek and find out what works for their partners and what does not. If you don’t have the interest nor the inclination to give pleasure, in my opinion you don’t deserve any in return.

For men who just don’t try at all; you don’t deserve a woman in your life. It’d be much better to live your whole life with your left hand and a stash of porn for company rather than subject some poor unsuspecting woman to an act that becomes a burden more than anything else. For that small percentage of men who try and succeed no matter how minute that figure maybe, I applaud you for having the guts and being secure enough in your masculinity to keep the woman at home satisfied in an aspect that few men do. For those who are in the middle ground? Keep trying. You just might at last make your woman fly.

And my advice to women? Never be afraid to seek the pleasure that is as much your right as his. Sex might not be everything in a relationship but it does account for a lot. For a harmonious and long lasting relationship, setting off fireworks in the bedroom just might shed enough light to tackle the rest of the problems that occur along the way.

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The Simple Things In Life…

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A conversation I had yesterday at tea with two of my colleagues whom I happen to be very good friends with made my brain whirl around a bit today on those simple pleasures of life that we usually take for granted. Perhaps it is because we lead such busy lives today, always engrossed in something or the other, or maybe we have just become too ‘complacent’ with the way things are, or we have gotten too desensitized to really take a moment to think and reflect on those things that just simply makes us happy.

Our conversation bordered around about how things were when we were kids, not having the latest toy or gadget in the market at hand, but nevertheless never actually ‘wanting’ more than our parents could afford to provide for us.There were no techno gadgets to go gaga over, not much of TV channels to watch in order for us to be ‘brainwashed’ into wanting and yearning for those things that were, simply put, out of reach back then unless of course your parents or family were super loaded.

Its the norm today to see parents go out on a limb to provide their children with all sorts of the latest gadgets and whatnot because at this day and age, a kid without those things in hand is one dare I say left out of the group of the “in kids”? I watch in awe these days when parents get their kids ready to go to school each year. Of course, every parent wants to provide the best of what they are able to for their children, but then I still think people take things a bit overboard, maybe more to do with ‘peer pressure’ than anything else. It has to be a certain type of bag that should be taken to school, a “theme” to which the book covers should be prepared and the list goes on. I remember a time when plain brown paper and a roll of cellophane got the job done, but then I guess I am just “ancient” in the way I think.

Back when I grew up, we tended to not get fussy when we wanted something that was way out of the price range of affordable goods. I don’t remember (maybe my memory is faulty here), about pestering my parents to buy me something just because one of the kids whose parents were lucky and able enough to afford it tended to have it. But it is quite the norm today to see kids throw tantrums of gigantic proportions because their parents have the gumption to say that at the moment buying the latest version of the iPad is not feasible when the child already has a vestige of such articles at his or her disposal.

Sometimes I think that the more you tend to ‘have’, the more jaded and dissatisfied your soul becomes. How on Earth is one to treasure, savor and take pleasure in what he has when the next thing he fancies comes into his possession without much ado? It is when one learns to be content with what one has that the art of appreciating and taking pleasure and happiness in what one has becomes the norm.

I still remember bits and pieces of my childhood with the fondest of memories. The earliest memories of myself as a child is one where I played on this little ‘hill’ of white sand at home, mostly some toys of the construction variety (I tended to be a bit of a tomboy), whiling hours away, engrossed with doing whatever it was that fascinated me about it in the first place.

bikeClose at heel comes the memories of taking walks early in the morning. I am someone who used to go on long walks, all by myself, back in an ‘era’ when drug addicts and all sorts of junkies high on the latest drug didn’t crowd the streets and made walking alone on the roads a living nightmare. Neither were the streets of Male’ that crowded with vehicles and let me not forget, people who sometimes makes the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other on the overcrowded streets something of a challenge today.

Next comes the memories of my dad trying to teach me how to ride a bicycle. I still break into smiles when I recall how he used to get a little impatient with me because as soon as I saw something or someone coming my way, my bike refused to head in any other direction apart from what was coming or standing in my way. Needless to say, bike riding was something I barely mastered and in spite of that, sometimes I wish to go bicycle riding in the wee hours of the morning even now.

And last but not the least comes the memories of how my love affair with reading began. I used to and still lose myself in the pages of a book for hours, now it should be the digital pages on the iPad; such that my mom used to ‘scold’ at me for burying my nose in a book so deeply such that nothing that went around me registered on my mind. I used to practically gobble up books, reading two to three books in a day and going back to the library almost every single day to get new books to replace what I had already finished reading.

And I would be remiss if I were not to point out the delights of the simple yet filling fare that graced our dining tables then. The short eats mainly “Saatanuge gulha“, “Husnooge bajiyaa“, the “gulha” sold at Dharaage – all made by Maldivian hands I must add; and of course the “Bodu Biscoadhu” and also the very delectable “Kudhi Biscoadhu“. Oh and the “Juice Petty” and the lollies that we used to rush out to buy on blistering hot days; nothing even comes close to the feel and taste of the cold sweetness bursting into the mouth and taking away with it the thirst that begs to be quenched. And I should also mention the “Garudhiya” bowls that come from fresh fish, with everything from the liver to the “Dhon Bis” to the head of the fish that leaves a long lasting smell on the hands but nevertheless makes for very enjoyable and memorable meals. Food certainly seemed to taste better then, maybe the quality of products accounting for one of the reasons why everything used to taste better then. lollu

To fill up the idle hours playing tag, hopscotch and the infamous dodge ball games that used to amuse us kids for hours are still memories I hold dear to me. Sometimes I wonder, where kids of the current generation are going to find memories to smile upon in perhaps 30 to 40 years time. Would they have anything simple as the contentment of taking a walk early in the morning, the fun of going for bicycle rides on the roads in the wee hours of the early morning and perhaps most of all, simple Maldivian food that I still recall and taste on my tongue if I close my eyes and concentrate on it just that much harder.

I sometimes find myself ‘pitying’ kids who grow up today, their days so mired with going from one tuition class to the next, engaged in earning the highest scores in the exam, passing time engrossed in the social media that hardly teaches one how to interact with each other in society etc that just sometimes seems to hint at a society that continues to distance itself more and more from the forms of interaction that enables us to feel, empathize and perhaps become better people along the way.

Kids today, if I am being whimsical enough about it, have no time on their busy and gadget infused schedules to stop and smell the roses, point being no one takes the time teach them to take five and just simply be. The pleasure of simply being, standing still for just a couple of seconds perhaps could be the beginning of learning the art of taking pleasure in the simple things in life.

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