Condition of Marriage

Believe it or not, this is something that happens all over the world regardless of religion, culture or belief system. Of course, we bond with our better half for many a reason. Love which is often confused with the lust factor, convenience or the desire to have childrenĀ  are some of the main reasons why two complete strangers get together and vow to be committed to one another for the rest of their lives.

However, it is of the norm to find the ‘happy couple’ ridden with all sorts of problems and eventually a high majority of them opt for a divorce either amicably or otherwise. When children factor into the equation, this decision becomes a much harder one, especially if both parties involved love their children and want what is the best for them.

So in the end, often when children create hiccups in the divorce paradigm, it is not uncommon to see that couples opt to re-marry and try to work things out, the reason being ‘for the sake of the children involved’. However, in most of these cases, rather than supplying their childhood with good memories that they would always cherish, the well-intentioned deed backfires, leaving the whole family in a constant pool of chaos, heartbreak and pain. Constant bickering between the parents, the continuous blame game which escalates the level of tension at home tends to drive their children away from them, and in the end some of these children do end up committing nefarious deeds which in conclusion means a life lost, that otherwise may have benefited our society in ways we have never imagined.

In other less drastic but equally affected cases, the children grow up knowing that there was no love lost between their parents, and the latent hostility between them, scars the children for life. Often when they embark on their lives with their partners, the insecure feelings inbred in them during their childhood, manifests & rears their ugly head, and in the end their lives too are blackened with the after effects of their parents’ marriage, which was embarked upon, in the hopes of providing their children with the best they can offer.

Parents should understand that, no matter how much they may try to hide the friction of the sort that can breakup a marriage from their children, they are pretty intuitive and pick on even the most subtle signals that show cracks in the perfect facade that their parents try to put up. In the end, such marriages can do more harm than good, and if they really want what is the best for their children, it would be better in the long run if they try to come up with a workable schedule of spending enough quality time with their kids and being there for them whenever the need arises, even though the parents may not stay together, so that the end result is a happier and a more stable family life experience.

The Disciplinarian and the indulgent Parent

They exist in most of the nuclear families. The disciplinarian instills discipline in his/her kids, enforces on them to choose the right path over the wrong one, and punishes them if the disciplinarians authority has been put to test. As the children grow older, and if the disciplinarian doesnt change his tactics to suite that to the age and wisdom of his/her kids, most of the time, the children would tend to form a “distant” bond with that parent. The kids would tend to begrudgingly respect the disciplinarian. However once they grow older and have kids of their own, the kids do come to realise that the disciplinarian was necessary in order to keep them from letting their lives go for ruin.

However the indulgent one in the family pets and cossets his/her children. He or she tends to become the “coolest” parent in the family. That parent wil be the one who comforts the child when they come running from one of their rows with the disciplinarian, this parent tends to cover for their children at times when he/she feels that the children has had enough of being “disciplined” for the day and as the children grow older, they would tend to form a closer bond with the indulgent one.

Its rare for a family to have both parents acting as the disciplinarian parents. If this were so, the some of the joys of being a kid would never be felt. The kids would always be browbeated by either of the parents and the kid would grow up resenting the fact he was born to that set of parents. Its rarer still to see both sets of parents being indulgent ones. If this were so, the society would be rampant with misbehaved and ill-disciplined people who have no regards whatsoever to the rules of civilization.

From my parents I would have to say my father was the disciplinarian. He was the one who taught us our religion, enforced us to practice it, gave us ear-deafning lectures when we misbehaved and turned the “you may cry now” stare after the hour long lectures. Back then sometimes I resented the fact that he always found some fault with how things were done by me. However as I have grown older and wiser, and eventhough I do not have kids of my own I do realise that he did all that he did to turn me into what I am today. And I love him and respect him for that. Though he tended to make shivers up and run down the spine with fear even in the neighbourhood kids, he has become one of the coolest parents as I have grown older. Though conversations still do turn out into argumentative ones, we have developed a relationship that ensures that I can laugh, joke and be a “friend” with my father.

And my mom tended to be the indulgent one who ensured that food was properly made and put on the table, that we were clean and ready to sleep by bedtime. We could always count on her to sympathise with us and dry our tears when we were crying about some stupid childhood stuff. And even though we drove her crazy when dad wasnt around the house by running around the house with the neighbourhood kids, she was the epitome of patience.

I believe that each nuclear family should have one of each in order to ensure that the children they bring out into the society is a benefit to it as a whole rather than a hindrance. The parents should learn to “let go” as the children grow older, become their friends later on so that they would always be sure that their parents could be counted on through the best and worst in their lives.