Sex, god forbid, even at this day and age where promiscuity is the norm for most societies turns out to be a bit of a ‘taboo’ subject to talk about in this country of ours. For some people, sex is something that needs to be carried out in the darkness of the night, never to be talked about, shrouded in a bit of mystery and perhaps more than anything else procreation the sole reason behind the act. In other words a means to an end.

The reason behind this post is not in any way to advocate for and promote promiscuity and indecency amongst the masses. My intention is to highlight on a subject few women even at this day and age are comfortable enough to talk about and perhaps be bold enough to ‘demand’ their rights as an equal partner who has as much right as the man to achieve satisfaction in a sexual relationship.

If someone were brazen enough to broach the subject of sex and the intricacies involved in it, most would view the person, especially if it were a woman with an aghast look in their eyes all the while thinking, ‘Oh, here is the type of loose woman my mama always warned me about.’ Let me tell you, opening my mouth a few times in the ‘wrong’ sort of company has earned me this look, so I definitely know what I’m talking about. This is not surprising given the fact that Maldives being a hugely patriarchal society even today tends to view women in the light that they are just there to serve one and one purpose alone, i.e. to slave away all day and night to the man they are tied down to for the rest of their life.

A cynical viewpoint of marriage and sex for a woman? Yes, it may be. But then its nothing further from the truth. Lets ask this question to the general populace of women in this country. Women who are bold enough would answer without a moments hesitation, but those who shy away from such conversations in the first place might not want to state the truth out loud, but that doesn’t make it any less of a truth. Ask most women whether they are sexually satisfied with their partners, whether their partner takes the time to really please them or whether it goes more along the path of a ‘wham-bam-thank you maam’? I bet my life on the outcome being that more than 50% of women would state the answer to be in the negative.

So why is this so? In these advanced times of information globalization and outreach, its definitely not the case of the partners involved being totally clueless about the hows and whys of sex, but rather its a case that is more than repeated across the globe, even in those countries where we all agree to be ‘developed’ in every sense.

In Maldives, there is the aspect of religion to add to this, where ‘religious’ scholars tend to scorn a woman who stands up for her rights, who believes in there being equality between the husband and the wife. If you look at the life led by the Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) you’d understand just how wrong and sexist most of these ‘scholars’ are, who do nothing more than marginalize women and make them feel inferior in every single way.

For a man, there is nothing worse than a woman questioning his prowess in the bedroom. Maybe the sexual chemistry, the ignition factor was never there to begin with in the relationship, or maybe, just maybe the man involved is actually selfish enough to keep the woman always begging and wanting for more. Perhaps the thought of empowering the woman in the bedroom makes the man break out in hives, gives him palpitations at the thought that it might embolden her in areas outreaching the bedroom.

Men always have this tendency to quote their number one reason for straying from their matrimonial vows as being the fact that they are no longer sexually satisfied in their marriage. Well, let me clue you in on a worldwide ‘secret’; what you give is what you get, i.e. satisfy the woman in the bedroom and see how things work out for you. You can’t expect insert pin A into slot B within the first 5 minutes to work every single time. There is something called exploration, foreplay which is mighty important when it comes to a woman. And its not just you who is no longer satisfied if one were to keep a scoresheet. Its because society still raises their over judgemental eyebrows at women who dare to come out and seek a divorce from the highly sexist judiciary of ours that most women for whom the relationship no longer works continues to stay around. After all, the neighbors, your ‘friends’ and family would go into titters if they were to find out that you are leaving the man who makes you feel like a cold fish in bed.

Its no secret that men and women were created by God in such a way that the physical and emotional differences between them attract and complement one another when you meet the right fit. I know that if men were to honestly answer the question of how much time they take in a day to really talk to their partners they would be grappling around in their memory to come up with a truthfully accurate answer.

Though sometimes the physical act alone is enough to satisfy most partners, for a woman, her needs border on a different level. She has to be in the mood and the feel of things to really enjoy the moment and give it her all; in other words, emotional wellbeing of both partners is important to really get it going. A woman cannot just turn off her emotions and be there in the moment like a man does. So a little bit of work to get her there every now and then would be more than appreciated?

The first phase of a relationship is exciting on so many levels. The newness of it all, the need to really make a long lasting impression on top of everything else makes even the sex for most couples an adventure of sorts during this period. So why does it all head South as the relationship progresses? For some it might have never been there, but for others I guess its a case of life happens, a case of hoping that things would change one fine day in the horizon.

At the risk of sounding like a harlot, this is a thought that crosses my mind at times. That there would be some women out there who’d never ever taste the beauty that is sex with the right partner; a partner who takes the time and ensures that the woman reaches fulfillment before taking himself to that point. That there would be women out there who’d think that there is something wrong with them that prevents them from ever finding pleasure in an act that should wholly be about pleasure and increasing intimacy between partners. Different things work for different couples, its all up to them to explore, seek and find out what works for their partners and what does not. If you don’t have the interest nor the inclination to give pleasure, in my opinion you don’t deserve any in return.

For men who just don’t try at all; you don’t deserve a woman in your life. It’d be much better to live your whole life with your left hand and a stash of porn for company rather than subject some poor unsuspecting woman to an act that becomes a burden more than anything else. For that small percentage of men who try and succeed no matter how minute that figure maybe, I applaud you for having the guts and being secure enough in your masculinity to keep the woman at home satisfied in an aspect that few men do. For those who are in the middle ground? Keep trying. You just might at last make your woman fly.

And my advice to women? Never be afraid to seek the pleasure that is as much your right as his. Sex might not be everything in a relationship but it does account for a lot. For a harmonious and long lasting relationship, setting off fireworks in the bedroom just might shed enough light to tackle the rest of the problems that occur along the way.